Into Thin Air Read online

  “Well, don’t leave me hanging.” She pushes a bowl of Doritos in my direction.

  I finish my beer and wipe off my upper lip. I brace myself against the bar. “I saw her.”

  She picks up a chip. “Who?” Crunch.

  “Ellie,” I mutter.

  She smacks me playfully. “Shut up. Seriously, who’d ya see?” Crunch.

  I take a deep breath. “I saw Ellie. She’s one of Carlotta’s divorce lawyers.”

  “Wait, wait, wait.” She coughs on a crumb, then wipes her mouth. “How is that friggin’ possible? Are you screwing with me? Because if you are, I’ll kill you.”

  I shake my head. “Nope. I couldn’t believe it myself. Everything I forgot about the explosion came back to me the instant I saw her. She’s the last person I spoke to before my life blew up.”

  “Did she see you?”

  I explain what happened, how Jenny acted, and how I left the office as fast as I could. “Her name is Stella, not Ellie. But d’you want to hear how crazy this is? Her last name is Crimson, and that was her last name in my dream. Why would I know that?”

  “You said you spoke to her before everything happened. Maybe you introduced yourselves and said your names. There has to be something you’ve forgotten from those few minutes with her at the airport.”

  “You could be right.” But I don’t think so.

  “After I got back to the hotel from the interview, I ordered another room so I could be alone. Jenny didn’t take that very well. I told her if she was staying any longer, she’d have to pay for the room herself.”

  Her eyes bulge. “She must have freaked.”

  “She didn’t lose it, but she clearly knew something was up. She pretended to be sympathetic in the end. But when she kissed me, I felt absolutely nothing. And I know it’s because of Ellie.”

  “You mean Stella,” Cass corrects me.

  She will always be Ellie to me.

  I push off the bar and walk to the edge of the roof where Cass has placed several large pots full of purple flowers. Josie’s a couple feet away battling with a butterfly. I look out toward the water. I’ve always loved the ocean. It relaxes me better than anything. I’d still have the sea nearby if I move to Seattle.

  “Since I was with Ellie in my dream, does that mean I cheated on Jenny?” The question tumbles out. It’s one I can’t let go of. “You know I’m not a cheater.”

  I groan out of frustration.

  Cass approaches me. “Sam, look at me.” I turn around. “Don’t fill your head with shit like that,” she says indignantly. “It was all in your mind. You didn’t physically touch Ellie. I mean Stella. I’m sure Jenny has had her share of fantasies with other guys. Would you consider her a cheater for that?”

  I want to say no to make myself feel better, but if our roles were reversed, I probably would think that. Trying to make sense of this is doing my head in.

  After being with Ellie, I don’t ever want to touch another woman. I clench my jaw just thinking of Ellie with another guy. Especially that asshole from yesterday.

  “Wait, I have something.” Cass walks back to the bar and pulls a piece of paper out of a book. “Here’s a list of things from your dream that I think you can connect to your normal life or the environment around you at the time of the explosion.”

  I take it and skim through it while she explains.

  “The migraine you had could’ve been the pain in your head from the concussion. And the banging noises you heard, that could’ve been when they did the MRI. You’ve had one before, you know how loud it is.”

  She points to number three on the list. “El—uh, Stella, threw a lemon at your head. You got a bruise from it. It’s the same bruise you have right now from hitting your head in the airport. The only difference is the little gash you had.”

  “I had a small cut from the lemon.”

  She sighs. “Whatever. Do you see the connections?”

  “Yes, I do, but why Ellie?”

  “Isn’t it obvious? She was the last person you spoke to. I know how badly you want the dream to be true, but you need to come to terms with reality.”

  She hands me another piece of paper. “I did some research on the internet. I found this article very interesting. A man woke up after having a brain injury. He swore on his life that he fell in love with a woman, got married, and had two kids. But he was only out for a few minutes. It took him years to recover. To him, he lost everything in the blink of an eye.

  “Don’t you see? Others have experienced the same thing. Even though the doctor said there’s little to no chance of dreaming when someone is unconscious, it has happened. Research can’t seem to find how it works. I can understand why you’re so attached to Stella. Could you imagine if you dreamed what this guy did?”

  “What I can’t stand is that the more you tell me, the further I am from Ellie.”

  “Sam, her name is Stella,” she corrects me again.

  “Not to me,” I respond firmly.

  She huffs then purses her lips again. “I think you’re putting too much hope into something that’s not there. You need to move on. You have a lot to look forward to. Focus on that.”

  “I saw Ellie again. Before I came back to LA.”

  “What the hell?” Her hands shoot up in the air. “You went to see her, didn’t you?”

  I nod, almost embarrassed.

  She gapes at me. “Are you crazy? You’re looking for trouble. No matter what I say, you won’t believe or listen to me.”

  “I had to fucking see her. I love her, Cass. I can’t explain it. If I could, I’d marry her tomorrow.”

  She crosses her arms. “Let me ask you a question. In your dream, you said you were a pilot, and that wasn’t true. What if there’s something about her that wasn’t true? Would you still love her?”

  “The only differences I saw were that she wears glasses, her hair looks curlier, and she’s got quite the attitude—but that just makes her more attractive. And if there’s more, yes. I’d love her anyway.”

  “So tell me what happened when you saw her this time?”

  “An ex-boyfriend was harassing her outside her office. I got between them to defend her. After the guy left, she was pretty cold toward me at first.”

  “Well, you didn’t even stay after she fainted. That was a dickish thing to do. And you’re dating the bitch.”

  Ouch. As usual, Cass tells it like it is.

  “She acted like I was a total asshole. She knows what Jenny’s like, and from the comments she made, it’s safe to assume she thinks I’m just as shallow. Maybe I was like that once, but I’ve changed. It was clear she didn’t care about who I was, and she gave off vibes that I was wasting her time. She softened a little bit when I talked about the explosion and mentioned that I might relocate to Seattle.” I shake my head. “And I’m talking out of my ass right now.”

  “Maybe that’s a sign to stop this nonsense.”

  “Wait. One more thing. Remember I told you that Ellie loves sea turtles? She turned her phone over, and the case had a sea turtle on it. Explain that to me.”

  “I can’t.” She squeezes my arms. “You’re worrying me. I think you’re trying too hard to make the dream real. I’m afraid you’ll only be disappointed. Do you actually believe she was really there in your dream? That you somehow invaded each other’s subconscious? You’re living in a movie,” she says with frustration.

  “Don’t you think I know how crazy it sounds? But you weren’t there when I saw her beautiful face, when I touched her silky skin for the first time, or when we kissed. She’s become a part of me. The same part that died when I woke up that day in the hospital. And I can’t explain how my heart came to life again when I saw her at her office.”

  “I’ll say it again, Sam. I’m worried about you, but you’re a grown man and you don’t want to listen to reason. The one thing that does make me happy though, no matter how crazy it is, is to see you love someone that much. You’ve never spoken about any woman
like you do Ellie. I mean Stella. This is so confusing,” she gripes. “But the Ellie you just spoke of doesn’t sound like the one you describe. Don’t let her break you.”

  “I won’t, but I can’t stop trying.”

  ∞

  Jenny walks in the front door just as I head to the kitchen to get a drink. All I have on is a towel wrapped around my waist. I forgot to lock the damn door.

  “Why are you here? I told you I’d stop by your apartment in an hour.”

  “Samuel baby, I’ve missed you so much!” Of course she’s staring at her phone, as usual. “I can’t stand being away from you any longer.” She stuffs the phone in the back pocket of her skintight jeans then looks me up and down like I’m a piece of tofu she wants to devour.

  She tosses her purse on the counter and tips over the bowl of fruit I just bought. “What’s with all these pomegranates? Are you on a new diet? The seeds are so sour and they get stuck in your teeth.” She picks them up but only puts them on the counter, not back in the bowl.

  “I need to get dressed. I’ll be right back.”

  She sways her hips as she walks toward me. “I’ll come with you.”

  I lift my hand. “No, stay in the kitchen, please.”

  She freezes, her eyes wide with suspicion and anger. “Why? What are you hiding?”

  “Give me a break. Would you let me get dressed?” I shake my head and I walk up the stairs.

  I close my bedroom door and lock it. She won’t be happy when I tell her we’re through.

  I adjust my T-shirt as I walk back downstairs. It’s too quiet. I turn to the right and see a trail of clothes leading into the living room. No, she didn’t!

  “Jenny, where are you?” I pretend not to suspect anything.

  “Follow the breadcrumbs, baby.”

  I exhale deeply. This is my fault. I brought this on myself because I got involved with her. I should’ve broken up with her in Seattle. Now I have to deal with the consequences. I pick up her clothes and walk into the living room. She’s on the couch, naked and wide open.

  “Come and get it,” she says as she sucks on her finger.

  I toss her clothes on her and turn away. “Get dressed. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

  “What the hell is wrong with you? Weeks ago, you couldn’t get enough of me,” she yells. “Are you screwing around?”

  “I’ve changed,” I yell back.

  After a couple of minutes, she stomps into the kitchen, buttoning her jeans. “I don’t understand you. You’ve gone completely mental.”

  “If I’m offered the coaching position at SU—Seattle University—I’ll accept it.” I know I’m jumping the gun, but it’s the truth. I will take it no matter what. I have enough money in my bank account already to last me a lifetime.

  “Why haven’t you discussed this with me? I don’t want to move to Seattle,” she says with disgust. “Why are you giving up your soccer career?”

  “I’ve said it a million times, Jenny. They’re not renewing my contract. My career as a professional soccer player is over. There just hasn’t been a press release yet.”

  “You could get a new contract with another team. Maybe one in Europe. We could go to England or Germany.”

  “Listen to me, there is no we anymore. If I move, it will be alone. We had fun for a little while, but it’s time we go our separate ways.”

  “Come on, baby. You don’t mean that. We can have a long-distance relationship. You can come to LA every weekend. I thought we had something special.”

  “What do you mean, I could come back here? I’d be working every weekend because of games.” She opens her mouth to respond, but I keep going.

  “Stop it, Jenny. We both know you never cared about me. You saw dollar signs. We were never serious. It was sex, and you got the attention you wanted. The situation in Vegas and Seattle confirmed that. All you did was show off on social media. I’m done with it.”

  “You’re such an asshole. I thought we had a future together.”

  I groan. “Do you hear yourself? I never once said I love you or spoke of anything long term. You’re the one who said love. Did you ever realize I never said it back? Yeah, that makes me an asshole, but you’re not innocent either. There was tension between us even before the accident. The person you supposedly love, though I’m not sure how you can call it love, doesn’t exist anymore. We’re over.”

  I could kick myself in the ass. Why did I go out with the women I did? They were all similar to Jenny. Was it because, at least until the last year or so, I really liked the attention from girls and the media? Was I just an asshole who wanted to get laid? I never thought long term with Jenny or any other woman. I’ve had fun but I’ve never once thought about moving in with anyone. Or marrying them.

  She slips one shoe on and then the other. “It’s all because of that stupid accident. This wouldn’t be happening if you hadn’t gone to Seattle for that fucking interview.”

  “Yes, it would’ve. This accident is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Well, the worst, but the best, too. It’s helped me figure out the best way to go regarding my career. It confirmed my instincts about us, about our relationship. You came to see me in Seattle, only to look good in front of the damn cameras. You acted like a supportive girlfriend, but you couldn’t have cared less. The only thing you cared about was how ugly the bump on my forehead was.”

  She yanks her purse off the counter. “When you come crawling back to me, I’ll be the one kicking you to the curb,” she warns, then she storms out the door.

  I won’t be crawling back to anyone but Ellie.

  ∞

  “Congratulations, Samuel. We’d like to offer you the position of head coach for the Redhawks soccer team at SU.”

  I almost drop my phone on my desk in my home office. “I’m honored, Mr. Carson. I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon.”

  “We’re honored as well. You were always our first choice. A few minutes ago, my secretary emailed you our offer, combined with the contract. Feel free to run it by your lawyer before you make a decision. We’ve also sent it to your agent, Jackson.”

  My heart races as I pace back and forth. “When do you need my answer?”

  “We’d like to move things along fairly quickly. Training starts in August. Three weeks, tops. Sooner, if you can.” My jaw drops open. So fast?

  “Andy Whicker, your assistant coach, could fill in for you if you can’t be here that soon. I know it’s a lot to ask; I understand the kind of decisions you’ll have to make. Before you make up your mind, we’d like to ask you to come back to Seattle. We can offer a relocation representative to show you around, maybe show you some rental properties. We can meet again to discuss the contract if need be. Maybe it’ll encourage you to accept the offer.”

  “That’d be very helpful,” I respond calmly, but I’m far from it.

  We agree that I will fly back to Seattle this weekend. His secretary or a human resources representative will contact Jackson today or tomorrow to confirm the travel plans and ensure that a relocation rep is available. We also agree that there will be no publicity around my visit. We’ll make an official press release only in coordination with LA Galaxy if I take the job.

  “Congratulations again, Samuel. Good luck. I do hope you’ll do what is right for you, but I assure you, SU is hoping you’ll join our team. Call me if you have any questions before I see you on Friday.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Carson. Talk to you soon.”

  I gape at my phone once the line goes dead. Holy shit! I got the coaching job. Every day has been getting harder for me because I’ve been second-guessing everything I said. But, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. I haven’t seen the offer yet.

  But I’m one step closer to Ellie.

  I call Jackson and tell him the good news. “You should’ve gotten a copy of the offer. I’m not sure if you should, since you work for LA Galaxy, but can you look through it for me?” My email box has several unread messages. I sc
roll down until I find the email with the offer. I click on it but don’t open it. Later.

  “Don’t worry. You’re still part of the team. I’ll review as soon as possible. I’m sure it’s awesome. Do you want me to go to Seattle with you? Off duty, of course. I can help you look for a place to live. I haven’t been to Seattle in a while. It’s a great city to party in.”

  “No. I’d like to go by myself. Sorry.”

  “No problem. I have plans anyway, but Seattle would’ve been more fun.” He laughs. “Should I forward it to your lawyer?”

  “Yes, but please emphasize the time constraint. I need comments back ASAP.”

  “You’re still a player for LA Galaxy, so don’t forget you have a few remaining commitments with the team. Two photo shoots and a commercial. They’re next week. And when you do officially retire, they’ll want you to do a live press conference.”

  “I’d rather avoid a live one, but I’ll do it if I have to. Are there any other commitments? If yes, please cancel them, even if I lose money. I have to focus on SU now.”

  “I’ll take care of it. Also, if anyone asks about what’s going on, I’ll tell them there’s no comment at this time.”

  I sigh in relief. “Thanks for having my back, Jackson. I’ll call Coach in a little while. Oh, and speaking of having my back—I should ask Diana too. Has Jenny caused any problems since we split last week? I’ve been waiting for her to unleash some kind of wrath. It’s been quiet.”

  “She doesn’t have the guts. Diana would’ve alerted us, but I’ll call her for you. Worry about yourself and have fun.”

  “Great. Thanks again for your help.”

  “I have to take advantage. Once you retire, I won’t be working for you anymore. And this is why I get paid big bucks.”

  I turn off my phone and fall back into my office chair. My wallet begins to burn in my back pocket. I pull it out and open it. Ellie’s business card practically flies out and lands on my desk. I laugh out loud because I’ve just found a reason to call Ellie.

  Chapter 25

  Ellie

  It’s been over a week since I’ve seen Sam, and they’ve been the longest days of my life. All week I’ve been wondering why he said he might relocate to Seattle. If he does, I’m sure Jenny will move with him. Could I handle living in the same city as him? Seattle’s big, but with the coincidences we’ve already experienced, I’m sure I’ll run into him.